How Recipes Keep Us Connected

There are two things that keep me connected to my mom, whom I lost to cancer in 2008. The first is her wedding rings. My dad gave them to me after she died, and sometimes I wear them when I feel like I need a little luck, or I want to feel like someone is watching out for me. The second is her recipe box, filled with badly-stained, well-worn index cards written in her handwriting.

One thing I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is how recipes keep us connected , to our pasts, to our cultural identities for sure, but also to memories and nostalgia.

I saw my dad yesterday, and his 93rd birthday is coming up in a few days. I was asking him what he wanted for his birthday; did he want me to bake him a cake? Make him a pie? What he wants is a Tim Hortons donut (my dad has simple and specific tastes). Then we got onto a conversation about birthday celebrations in our family, and I remembered my mom’s last birthday before she died at a really lovely seafood restaurant in Steveston. It’s still there, and I think about her every time I walk past it.

I think about her every time I make peanut butter cookies or butter tarts, or especially, date squares, which is a recipe I heavily associate with her. I mean, she was my mother; mothers are meant to be associated (hopefully) with comfort and love, and so is food in so many ways.

Food allows us to nourish the people we love, but it also provides a common thread that strings us together. Thanksgiving is coming up soon, and families will get together to share a meal. What dishes are always present at your families’ celebrations? Cultural or religious or otherwise? My mom always loved a good ham, so we often have ham at our family dinners. It’s a little nod to her, to remember all the times she cooked that for us.

As I type this, it’s currently Rosh Hashana, or Jewish New Year. There are traditions around food for this feast: Challah, pomegranates, apples and honey, all of which, beyond being delicious and nourishing, have symbolic meanings.

Similarly, Diwali is coming up, and it too, marks the beginning of the new year in the Hindu calendar. Sweets are important to this celebration, again signifying a hope for a sweet life in the next year.

I’m writing a novel right now. I did talk about it at the beginning of 2024, when I got accepted into The Writers Studio at SFU and started on this project. The focus of this novel is all about family relationships and food, so this stuff has been on my mind a whole lot this year, trying to draw these connections.

I’d be curious to hear about your family’s food traditions. What item would cause a riot if it were not present at your next family feast? What recipes do you associate with your grandmother or your past ancestors? What stories do those recipes tell?