Flirting with Sobriety

I have somehow, accidentally, become sober. Sober adjacent? Sober curious? I’m not sure what to call it, but the upshot is, I’ve pretty much stopped drinking alcohol.

Nobody is more surprised that I am. To be honest, it’s not something that I ever would have thought would happen.

Everyone I know who’s sober quit drinking either for health reasons, or because they had problematic relationship with alcohol, and I don’t think I really fit into either of those two categories.

I mean, sure, I participate in the white girl “Rose all day” memes, because, you know, it’s fun. But there’s never been a time in my life where I would have a drink and then not be able to stop. I’m okay with one glass of wine, or maybe two. It’s enough. I’m good. A bottle of wine in my house usually lasts a month.

I have been known to roll my eyes just the tiniest bit at the TikTok videos that proclaim “Alcohol is poison!!!!”

Moderation, kids. That’s my middle name. Everything in moderation. Including “poison" I guess.

Last month, I had to have a colonoscopy, my second, actually. My mom died of colon cancer, so every 5 years, I have to do a routine screening. What nobody tells you about the colonoscopy is that the actual procedure is the least scary thing about it. It’s the prep that’s really hard. In my case, it included a week-long diet leading up to the procedure that was basically devoid of fibre. As I ran down the list of forbidden foods (berries, seeds, corn), I realized with horror that the foods on this list are foods I eat quite literally every day. Another thing on the forbidden list was alcohol, so I figured, seeing as I had to give it up for a week, I’d just go all in and do Dry January.

And, if I'm being real, I have been going through a pretty tough time lately. Losing your last remaining parent is no joke. There definitely had been times when I'd had a drink to comfort or reward myself.

So I didn't have a single alcoholic drink for the entire month of January. The thing that surprised me the most was how little I missed it.

I love the taste of red wine, and I love a perfectly mixed cocktail or a crisp gin and tonic. I missed the tastes of all those things, but I didn’t really miss the actual thing.

So I started casting around, looking for alternatives to tastes I was missing.

What I discovered was that replacing alcohol with things that taste and feel like alcohol but don’t have alcohol is, actually, a pretty big challenge.

It’s not just about the flavour. It’s about the body, the mouthfeel. Wine feels a certain way in the mouth, and when you remove the alcohol, it becomes thinner, it just has less body. I have yet to try a dealcoholized wine that really worked for me, but I’m still open to suggestions if you have one to offer.

Sparkling wines (non alcoholic versions) work a lot better. My guess is, the bubbles make up for that loss of heaviness that happens when they alcohol is removed.

I tried a few “mixed cocktails” in cans, but again, most of them, for me, came up short. I liked the Ole Paloma, but at the end of the day, it didn’t taste that much different than grapefruit flavoured bubbly water (which I’m here for, but I can buy a 1 litre bottle for $1, whereas the “Paloma” cost $4 for one).

So here’s a list of some of the zero proof drinks that I think are actually worth splashing out on:

• Sea Cider: If you ever take the ferry from Tswassen to Victoria, be sure to stop at Sea Cider, which is just past Sidney. It's beautiful and charming, and you can taste all their ciders, which are locally grown and produced right there. They also have a Temperance line, which are their non-alcholic versions. I particularly like Roxie, which is a kind of rosé.
• Duchess Cocktails: another local Vancouver biz, this one is women lead, so we love it... Duchess makes both alcoholic and non-alcoholic versions of their cocktails. I like the Lemon Drop Martini.
• Amaro Falso: I've not yet had a chance to try this one myself, but  they come highly recommended by a sober buddy. You can get these at The Canteen on the Drive.
• Pierre Zero Signature Chardonnay: I tried this last weekend and it was quite good. Nice and refreshing, sparkling.
• Edenvale Sparkling Cuvee: this one was my fave of the sparkling zero proof wines I tried.

Honestly, I'd leave almost anything in a can or anything that claims to be a non-alcoholic spirit in the store. It feels like most of them take out the alcohol and put in sugar, making for an overly sweet final product.

I have, however been experimenting quite a bit with mocktails, and I’ll be back next week with a recipe (or maybe 2). 😊